"Home is where the heart is"

If the saying "home is where the heart is" holds true, I haven't figured out where home is.  At this point I am equally home here in Africa and back in the US.  The days that I'm busy I love and feel at peace being here.  I feel like I'm needed and that I'm being used and that there is actually a purpose in me being here.  But then there are the days that I don't have a lot to do.  I spend a couple hours at the school in the morning every day, but most days I am back at my hut around 10:00 and don't leave again the rest of the day because there isn't anything calling me away.  I spent most of those days reading for hours on my porch.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE having hours on end to spend reading just for pleasure, but that only lasts for so long. And I can only go on so many wandering walks through the bush paths in my vil.  Those days that I don't have much on my agenda, I get really homesick.  I start to question why I'm here and wishing for a reason to take me home.  I find myself just wanting to get to the point where I want to be where I am for more than a few days at a time. These thoughts often lead to sad days and more questions than answers.  But then a good day comes along, and then another, and another.  And I spend a morning teaching English to my Grade 6 pupils and we start to develop a relationship in which they learn that even the teacher isn't always right and therefore it's okay to ask questions.  And then Zila wants to sit in my lap for hours being tickled and playing hand games.  And I bike to the road at 5:30 in the morning and watch the sun come up over a mist filled horizon.  And a man I've only met twice tells me at a bar that he could tell I was a Christian by my actions without me ever having mentioned towards it.  And I share a recent wedding invitation Bry sent me with my family as a cultural exchange during my host sister's wedding celebration when they ask about weddings in America.  And I enjoy a morning of yoga outside at the Peace Corps house followed by a night of group meals and crazy costumes.  And I take a walk into town and walk slowly to breathe deeply and enjoy the life around me.  And I Skype with friends and family and am told I'm missed and love, but also thought of and support every day.  And I realize, that among the days of lonliness and sadness, I have many days of joy and contentment.  And if I think bac over the 5 months that I've been here, I find that the sad days are getting less and less which means the good days are becoming more and more.  I know that God has brought me here for a reason, and slowly, slowly He is showing them to me. 

When I get back to the village in a day or so, I', excited to start working towads quite a few projects.  I'm going to start co-planning and teaching in my Grade 5 and 6 English classes.  I'm going to work with the men in charge of the Under 5 Clinic held once a month in my village.  Not only am I going to continue to help weigh the babies, but I want to start groups with the women.  I want them to be educauted on HIV/AIDS and maleria, and I want to give them a voice in their every days lives.  I really just want to find out what they want, whether it's to learn to write thier names or to work towards a grant to get funding for a an actual health post.  And I want to start an English club where pupils can come and meet with me for a few hours each week to talk, write and read in English.  I want to invite people to come and share meals and culture with me at my hut.  I want to continue to feel like I am a part of the village and I want my village to get an even bigger sense that I am there to help them help themselves towards development.  And I want to continue to feel the love they show me each and every day.