Last year was full of emotional roller coasters. A lot of them. I would be doing great one day in the vil, and the next I was ready to throw in the towel. And I'll admit, I still have those times. But realizing I only have just over a year left helped me to realize a lot more of the joy in living here instead of constantly wishing I were elsewhere. It also helps, a TON, that I've gotten a lot busier in my village. Before this term, I didn't really feel like i was really even needed in my community. I wasn't teaching very much and it was like pulling teeth to get people to meet for anything. But this term I am teaching all morning and loving it.
Grades 5 & 6 should know their ABC's, in any culture. Unfortunately, the reality is that they don't. So I turned both classes into a more Grade 1 setting to get them hopefully on a better track to succeed in future grades. They come in to a class every day with 6 groups. They are divided by their literacy abilities. When they get to the station in which they are working 6:1 with me, some are learning basics like what sound the letter "a" makes and words that go along with it, while others are starting to learn that a sentence starts with a capital letter and ends with a full stop (period). It's how I love to teach, and the best part, the pupils are actually learning. They're doing their homework. They're practicing their spelling words. The spelling tests on Friday's are proving each week to have more and more pupils getting 100%. I really needed this change in my PC service. I needed to be needed, and to feel it.
Another game changer: Zila. She's the 4 year old relative of some sort that just makes my heart melt. I've recently gotten a few children's books in the mail, and she LOVES them! And what could in a village wouldn't? She doesn't have anything to do all day. Some days she has play-mates, but other's she's brought to my family's house and just has to hang out. So when I get home from school, she runs over and immediately "Mpekwini books" (please, give me books). It's perfect. She sits on my porch pretending to read, in local language of course, and I sit next to her reading my book. We'll read together, or sometimes get out the plastic letters I have, or her favorite: put on music and dance. This girl can boogy! Young kids have, and always will be, and extreme passion on mine, but I was missing it here in Zambia. I do really enjoy teaching my Grade's 5 & 6 most days, but it's not the same. So when little Zila wanders over almost every day, my heart leaps for joy.
Morning walks have also made a really big difference. I wake up between 5:00 and 6:00 every morning anyways, and I now don't need to be to school until 8:45, so I decided to do something I love at a lovely time of day: walk. I spend an hour every morning walking through my village listening to the birds and smiling every time as the sound of them reminds my of my grandmother. It's so peaceful early in the morning, watching the sun come up and the dew slowly dry off the grass. Walking puts me in such a great mood for the day and sets me with a purpose from the moment I wake up. My villagers still stare at me sometimes and wonder what the crazy white woman is up to now, but most of them just smile as they great me from their fields. I've always loved walking, but doing it here surrounded by the peaceful sounds of nature made me really appreciate what little time I have left. Though it is a year, it's going to fly by. And I tried to imagine myself back in Madison, doing the same morning walk, and I realized how very different it would be. It wont be quiet. It will be filled with the sound of cars and people and I wont here half of the birds and their songs. Don't get me wrong, I love the sounds of the city, but I know that once I'm back, my heart will be longing for the stillness and quiet that I am surrounded by every day here.
With all of that being said, I'm am truly in a better place. As I think back over the past year, I remember fun and enjoyment, but little fulfillment because I was constantly on this roller coaster wondering if I could make it. But I can, and I will. And I'm pushing myself every day to make the most of what I have here. To appreciate this time in my life to grow, change, and be changed. I will certainly still have days where my heart hurts from longing to be home. And I still think about home every single day. But I'm here, I'm not back it the States, and I need to be present where I am. Or before I know it, I'm going to blink and this will all just be a memory and not a very good one. I'm taking each day as it comes, putting a smile on my face and embracing the joy that God is giving me as I live out this long-awaited dream.
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